When we think about detoxifying our life, we usually look within. But all of us must inevitably address that there could be toxic people in our lives.  Some of us have more than our fair share and others have them in their life and don’t even realize it.

How do we know when people are toxic and what do we do about it? Well one definition of a toxic person, is someone who prevents you from achieving the goals that you want or need to achieve. They hold you back from progress. That’s not to say that you can’t make sacrifices for your friends that might hinder you slightly, we’ve all been there. But if your friend, or your circle of friends, prevents or discourages you from making positive changes in you life, then you’ve probably got an issue.

Now that you know how to identify them, what do you do?  For acquaintances, don’t stress too much. If they start to wonder what’s going on, be honest. Let them know that you have other priorities in your life. However, if they are a family member, good friend or even a co-worker, it can be a little more difficult.

If you are having issues with a co-worker, you may want to sit them down in a private one-on-one. It’s likely that they have their own issues and don’t have the coping skills to deal with it. Hearing them out and offering a few solutions may help solve the issue. If their behavior and attitude is extremely toxic, you might want to let them know that it’s been impacting your ability to work and you wanted to address it together to see if you could come up with a solution together. Then again, at times it’s not possible to reason with a toxic persona and contacting your HR team or manager might be more effective all around.

Sometimes we come to the realization that our good friends or family are actually toxic to our lives. This can be emotionally overwhelming. The best way to address the issues you are having is to be direct. But how do you do this without upsetting them? We recommend trying an interpersonal communication tactic when communicating your issues. First, plan to have a talk (don’t surprise them).  Explain – and be direct – that with their permission, you would like to speak with them regarding a difficult matter. Once you get them into a private area, thank them for taking the time to talk with you. It let’s them know that you are approaching the issue with a degree of humility and that they are important to you. Next, we will use the senses to connect with them, explain the problem, and ask for a collaborative solution.

Step 1: Use the senses.

Example: When I see (hear) you talking about ______________ …. (go to step 2)

Step 2: Use your heart.

Example: …I feel __________, because… (go to step 3)

Step 3: Use the mind.

Example: ….I think ________________________… (go to step 4)

Step 4: Request your end goal from that person.

Example: …and what I’d like from you is _____________________.

Once more in a single sentence:

When I see (hear) you ____________, I feel ________________, because I think _________________, and what I’d like from you is __________________________.

And an example filling in the blanks:

When I hear you start to raise your voice, I feel frustrated and hurt, because I think you and I are both simply looking to find a solution to the problem, and what I’d like from us is to start addressing the problem and not each other.

Try practice this with your significant other or a friend. Explain you are trying to practice some interpersonal skills and that you’d like them to humor you (or practice along). If you want, you can turn the steps into questions, and present those questions to the person you are working with to get a deeper understanding of their thoughts and paradigm.

In the end, most people only want to find happiness and it takes some courage and practice on the part of everyone to find happiness together. With a little practice, you can begin to open your heart and mind to compassion and help others find compassion towards you through this simple interpersonal technique. Ultimately, this is what will allow you to heal, forgive and accept.

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Day 1: Motivation
Day 2: Just Breathe
Day 3: Back to Basics with Your Health
Day 4: Giving is Receiving
Day 5: Planning One Day at a Time
Day 6: Just A Spoonful of Sugar
Day 7: Positive Thoughts, Positive Outcomes
Day 8: Filter That Water
Day 9: Yoga At Your Computer
Day 10: Look Your Best, Feel Your Best, Be Your Best
Day 11: Be Alert and Stay Safe
Day 12: Giving Back To The Community Starts At Home
Day 13: Reach For That Pomegranate
Day 14: Breathing and Posture
Day 15:  Detox Your Finances
Day 16: Take Time For Entertainment
Day 17: Detox Your Skin
Day 18: Laugh It Up
Day 19: Live In The Moment
Day 20: Mind Your Chin
Day 21: De-clutter Your Life